Are Our Children Really That Bored?

[Goddess Monica]

I grew up with a not-so-active mom, an absent dad and a step dad I didn't want to be around.

Summer was a time to entertain myself. I climbed trees. I read books. I painted. I rode my bike. I worked in the garden. When I was a kid my mom didn't do things like take us to the pool. We went to parks once in awhile. We didn't really go to carnivals. I didn't go to camp. I didn't take lessons of any kind. I didn't do sports. We didn't go on vacations.

I made up for all of this when I was a teenager. I stayed very busy during the summer months. I was rarely home.

Fast forward to NOW. TODAY. My kids are 5 and 10. I take them to a pool at least 3 times per week. We take them to the lake to swim and bbq on weekends. We take them to the movies. We have a trampoline. We have an X-Box, a Wii, a computer, LOTS of books, movies, paint, etc. You get the picture. Oh, and next week they get to go on vacation with the grandparents for 2 weeks.

So, today I was just tired. I wasn't feeling well. I was crabby. I was expecting my dad at 3:30 so I could cut his hair. We had spent the day with my mom. By 2:30 I just wanted to lie down.

I call my kids into the family room. I tell them I'm not feeling well and I'm going to lie down for an hour. They know the drill -- Doors locked, ringer off, no company, find something quiet to do for an hour -- No problem. They both agree to our rules and I lie down. Fifteen minutes later I hear my son and his friend in his room! Yeah. Paris' friend, Robert, quietly tapped on his bedroom window and Paris tiptoed to the front door and let him in. When I got up they were on their way out the door!

Oh, hell no! Paris felt the wrath of MOM and Robert left. I could not try to go to sleep then.

Thing is this... I spent everyday keeping my kids entertained. I spend hours doing things that I don't really like doing. I put my fat ass in a bikini and go to crowded swimming pools with tons of screaming kids for hours on end. I sit through movies I don't really want to see. I camp, when really, I think camping sucks. Can my kids give me ONE LOUSY HOUR???? No. My son, apparently, thinks he will die after 15 minutes of not being entertained.

I know several parents who make sure their kids are constantly "busy." Golf lessons, baseball, swimming, camp, youth groups, dance, gymnastics.... Hell, I never see my niece and nephew because they're "too busy."

Have we stimulated our children to the point that they don't know how to handle down time?

[Shelagh]

I read Monica’s post less to do with her children being overly stimulated and more surprise that no matter how much she does with them, for them, it’s never appreciated as being enough.

It’s a good topic for I never had children. There were several reasons for this, one being that my Husband at the time, I recognized as having something genetically wrong but at the time I didn’t know what it was but it was rampant though his family, cousins etc. Since I wasn’t dying to have children, nor he, I just didn’t have them, nor did I feel the need to find a different partner to have them with, since it wasn’t necessary to me to have any at all.
Today I recogognize the problem that I saw in his family members as Bi Polar Manic Depression, but back then we didn’t talk of these things nor know much about them.

The second reason I wasn’t overly keen to have children?

My father died of cancer when I was 3 years old. My mother, a wonderful woman raised 4 of us having her own business, working at home, in the 1960s when this just wasn’t done by women. She was very successful. We had beautiful homes, private schools, nice cars, nice clothes, etc. We did not suffer at all.

Was my mother perfect? No, but no mother is. She had her faults that is to be sure but she loved us with all of her heart and would do anything for us. She gave her life up for all of us.

I have 2 older sisters that I consider to be two of the most ungrateful bitches born and a younger brother that wouldn’t do anything for my mother unless there was something in it for him monetarily.

She died of breast cancer in 1999 and it was I alone that stayed with her day in and day out from the moment she first needed chemo until the moment she died.

Not once did I get an offer of help from either sister and one who lived in the States didn’t even contact my mother once, until near the very end when it was already too late, and told her than if there was anything she could do for her, please let her know.
At which point my mother felt it was too late and didn't contact her back. My mother had been ill on and off for 4 years at that point and not once did she call her.


In any event, the end result is that my mother who gave up her life, as far as I am concerned for us, and I say this as having been the one that was most problematic of all the 4 children, simply because I was different and didn’t conform, yet I recognize what a terrific job she did, especially with the poor circumstances that were thrown at her and NOT ONCE did my siblings ever tell her that they appreciated her for all she had done.
They were in their late 40's to 50's when she died. These were not teenagers. And even then they held some silly little grievances against her, that to this day, I cannot imagine what they could have been to have treated her so poorly

But I saw the beginning signs of this as early as in my teenage years and I just remember thinking that I did not wish to give up my life for children that could be so ungrateful and mean and it had that much of an effect on me to this day I haven’t regretted not having them.

I am now 49 and at the age where many of my friends have grown children and I see the same problems beginning to develop for many of them and I just say, thank god I didn’t have any for I am just appalled at the way so many children today treat their parents, with such utter disrespect.

I have just seen it to many times, especially for a lot of my friends come from very wealthy families and that is often were you see it at its worst because money can tear relationships apart faster than anything else. Often I see it because grown children wish their parents dead so they can inherit all the is there…and so on and so forth.

No Monica, perhaps my vision has been a bit colored bur from where I sit I do believe that parenthood is a very thankless job and I don’t believe that children that cause their parents heartache and pain ever really get it, or get it at least early enough to make up for it as their parents age.
In my experience, too many don’t get it until after their parents are gone, & too late to make amends.

I think that you have to expect that no matter how good a mother you might be, your children are always going to find fault and blame everything that has gone wrong in their lives on you but you will continue to love them unconditionally, but just know that it goes on in so many families

[Cindy]

Okay, I couldnt be quiet about my nightmare experience this last two weeks. Jessica gets the oportunity to go to South Carolina with her Aunt for 16 days. She argued with me a week before she left, about total bullshit. She was making breakfast for us, and her friend who stayed the night before. I was making fresh tortillas, and bacon. She had to scramble eggs and cheese. She asked how many eggs she should make. We told her, 6 since 4 of us were eating (Sarah doesnt eat much) and we had all that cheese and bacon with the burrito. She declared, "I think we should make 8 eggs". My rebuttle? "Okay, well, then why ask? Obviously what I say makes no difference. If you want to make 8, make 8!".( mind you, her friend stayed the night..so she has to 'front up/ be cool'. I tell her that, "We are going to have cheese and bacon too..so it will fill the burrito..keep that in mind". She puts her hand on her hip, taps her fingers on her hip and says, "I don't know if I WANT cheese".
test time ahead.
Soooo
I said, "so, are you going to have just eggs and bacon?"
She says, " I don't know!"
I tell her not to be a smartass and tap her fingers on her hip. She says "I didn't!". I say, "are you calling me a liar!?" (Steve saw her do it) she gets tears in her eyes and says, "YES! YOU ARE LYING!"
Alright, I am pissed.
I send her to her room. She runs off ranting a raving. She slams her door, and leans against it so I cannot open it. Low and behold, I kick the door open. She stands up and announces that she "cannot WAIT to leave here for vacation, and she is sick of arguing with me". I tell her that she isn't going ANYWHERE with that attitude. She then says, "FINE, I will stay with Grandma, but I am NOT staying here!".
I could go on and on about this story, and how we fixed it. I was calm (and quite frankly in shock..as she has never done this type of outburst before over something SOOO rediculous). Regardless, she takes ALOT of things for granted. She went on her trip (wont be back until the 6th of August). She is going to the beach, and staying a whole week at Disney World. She really shit on me hard, and for something so stupid. I know why she did it though...hormones. Plus, her friend was there, and her friend talks to HER parents the same way. I know what is going on, and how to deal with it. All kids are different. The end result is she was bawling and appologizing. The end result, is I know she is testing me. The end result is....
It doesn't matter what kind of kid you have..wether they are spoiled brats like mine, or kids who have NO attention...

They will ALWAYS TEST.
Technically, I have a great kid. She started her period when she was 11, and bled so terribly (went through two pads and into her bed) that we put her pn birth control pills to regulate it.
Now, I think her own body is producing way more hormones than before, plus the added pill hormones. So, I have decided to discontinue the pill. She is only outraged during her period...so it makes sense.

Regardless, I know I am STILL going to have to deal with her boundries.

[Cindy]

Monica.

You know the drill..give an inch, take a mile. See, it doesn't fucking matter WHAT YOU went through, because your kids will NEVER get that. They only know what they get NOW. They are just that...kids. They understand what THEY get. They understand what YOU give them.
I am going through the same damn thing with Jessica...exactly and too the TEEEE.
She has become a sudden teenage smartass. She has an ipod, laptop, cell phone, TV, DVD, VCR..etc.
okay, so the last week of school she got caught text messaging during FINALS!! Got her phone taken away, and the principals assistant (didn't that USED to be the vice principal lol) telling me what she did.
I looked at her phone, and the text was so rediculous, that I had trouble grounding her. Her bestfriends 'boyfriend' thought she was going to breakup with him, so he contacted my daughter to ask if that was true. Really, the whole thing was innocent. What was wrong? texting during classtime. So, she was punished. She had to do 10 loads of laundry (no joke, since we moved..that is what we had left to do). Doesn't seem a harsh punishment really.
My kid is going to be 14 August 18th. Her hormones are raging, and her period started 2 months before she turned 12. My 2 year old, who will be three in October, runs around with an attitude thanks to her older sister. She yells things like, "FINE!!" and runs off. Ohh it's great.
Here is the deal Monica. Hormones or not, kids will TEST the hell out of you..to set their boundries. It is up to us to set the limit. Just be thankful you don't have more than one little girl...who hasn't even reached puberty.
I could go on and on about how Jessica has tested me...but I think I proved my point enough.
It isn't about stimulation...it is about testing..period.
I didn't have much interaction with my mom and dad growing up, and I still tested the boundries.
You will be fine:)